Life is for those who LIVE!!!

You know it is funny.  Normally I'm a pretty open book when it comes to the best and worst times in my life.  But this pregnancy is different.  I always wanted a second child and I remember thinking that since it was my second child, it would be a less stressful pregnancy.  I could have that "been there done that" attitude.  Little did I know that this pregnancy has been fraught with way more anxiety and worry than I ever had with Luke.  Part of me attributes that to the fact that when I was pregnant with Luke, I had not yet felt the intense feeling of love that a mother feels for a child.  I loved many other people and even had a daughter-of-my-heart who I loved more than just about anyone in my life.  But Luke redefined what it meant to love.  The other part of me thinks that I was so naïve then.  I hadn't yet experienced the gut wrenching grief that leaves you physically hurting and the depression that can follow it when you lose some...

The last 3 weeks have been hell.  Hearing the news that we were going to have a miscarriage was so very difficult, but even more so was the purgatory that came after that.  When we went in for the first sonogram, we were told that it looked like an abnormal pregnancy, but on the off chance that I had any dates wrong, the doctor wanted to wait 2 weeks to see if there was any growth.  If my body was going to naturally miscarry, it would happen in those two weeks.  If not, we would do another sonogram.  So we waited.  and waited.  In the waiting, my mind played tricks on me.  I was so terrified of NOT having a miscarriage and going in and hearing that there was life in there after all, but that it was tiny because of severe health defects.  This fear and worry grew as each day passed.  Then I felt so guilty that I was terrified to see life.  Fear, worry, and guilt were my companions during this time.  Our trip to Californ...

Something happened to me yesterday that was horrible.  And I want to try to forget it or ignore it, but I'm in a temporary purgatory.  I want to pretend like it isn't happening, but then I think back to when I lost first Brittany and then my Gram.  When I talked about it and shared my pain, you guys reached out and made me feel a little bit better and a little less alone.  So here it goes.  Yesterday Richie and I went to the dr expecting to see a sweet baby bean on the sonogram machine and hear a heartbeat of baby #2 for the first time.  Instead, a doctor (a complete stranger to me), told us that I was going to experience a miscarriage soon.  I admit that all this week I've been on edge leading up to the sonogram.  I experienced pretty severe morning sickness when I was pregnant with Luke starting at week 6, so when I hadn't felt those puky feelings, I brushed my worry down.  Each pregnancy is different they say.  When they took my b...

One of my friends has a summer to-do list with activities to complete with the family.  I love this idea because there are days where I think "what can I do???"  This will help Luke and I experience lots of little and big things this summer so that no days are wasted.  1.  Complete an act of kindness - done!  We paid someone to mow our neighbors yard because they had just had a baby 2 weeks ago and their yard was getting tall.  I remember how I felt after I had Luke and I didn't want to do any of that kind of stuff.  2.  Eat frozen yogurt (we cheated and ate ice cream!) 3.  Go to sea world 4.  Go swimming - done!  We love to swim at Nana and Papa's house! 5.  Outdoor movie 6.  BBQ 7.  Go on a hike 8.  Visit the zoo 9.  See a waterfall 10.  Side walk chalk 11.  Play in the rain  -  done!  But...

Every year I like to write a list of things I've learned from that year of teaching.  You can find links for my 1st year ,   2nd year ,  (who knows what happened to my 3rd and 4th year)  5th year , 6th year   1.  Having a solid team to work with can make or break your year.  Last year I didn't trust some of the people I worked with, and it made it pretty miserable.  This year I love my peeps!  I'd have lost my sanity long ago if i hadn't had those people in the trenches with me.  You girls rock! 2.  I'm flabbergasted by the things that some parents think it is ok to write to us.  Just flabbergasted.  For example, one parent this year told me to "take my project and shove it up my ____ you _____."  and also "horse shit lady."  Yes those are direct quotes.   3.  Sometimes your kids just suck.  They have no morals, they don't do work, they are destructive, but you can still teac...

Somewhere along the line, Luke has grown into a little boy.  He is no longer a baby.  His favorite phrase as of lately is "I do it Mama.  I do it on my own."  He is becoming such an independent little guy.  He smells like wet dog after his bath, his farts smell gross, we are entering the potty training phase, Wahhhhhh!!!!  I don't want him to grow up!  It's kinda hard to remember that only a few short months ago, he was in a full leg cast and still had a regular crib! January of 2015  January of 2015   At 2 1/2, Luke can: - count from 1-13.  He typically includes the number 4 in there, but instead of saying 14, he says eleventeen.  lol.  -  Can identify the basic colors (blue, green, red, yellow, orange, white, purple, pink).  He still struggles with black versus brown -  Knows the shapes, circle, triangle, square, hexagon, diamond, heart -  he can get himself in the car seat on his own ...

Bucket List Traveling 1.      TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL....See various parts of the world- more specifically Denmark, Netherlands, England, Scotland, Norway, Sweeden, Finland, Scotland, Austria, Switzerland, New Zealand (hobbit town), France (again) and Spain (again), Australia, Fiji, St. Lucia, Bora Bora, Prince Edward Island in Canada, Morroco   2.      United States travel includes: New York, Boston, Disneyworld in Florida, Miami, Philadelphia, Chicago, Las Vegas (again), Los Angeles, Washington DC ect.     3.      I would love to travel up north to see the fall leaves change color.     4.      New York during Christmas time   5.      Visit a ski resort during snow season   6.      Visit a place with cherry trees in full bloom   7.    ...