Life is for those who LIVE!!!

I can honestly say that these past 3 weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life.  I've never experienced anything remotely close to this grief.  Grief is a terrible thing.  It swallows everything you know to be true and spits you out cold and alone.  It adds hundreds of pounds of heaviness on your heart, your shoulders, your head and weighs you down.  It is a tooth ache that quiets down to a dull throb and then flares up aching again reminding you it hasn't gone away.  It makes time crawl to a halt.  It robs you of your short term memory.  It makes you feel like you are a fraction of the person you were.  I feel like I'm a thousand years older.  My jaw is constantly clenched tight and I feel my face drawn into a frown and I've had headaches.  Grief is such a physical thing.  I constantly feel like something is missing and when I stop to think that I will have to spend the rest of my life without talking to her or seeing her again I feel this sickness rise up in my s

My Dearest Shadow, I know it's too late to send you this letter but I'm writing it anyways.  I have to believe that you are up in Heaven listening to me and watching over me.  I have loved you since the first volleyball game you played in your 8th grade year in 2009.  I remember sitting on the bench in the Corbett gym eating some nachos and you told me how much you loved nacho cheese.  You were supposed to be paying attention to the game but you were trying to convince me to give you some of my nachos.  I finally broke down and snuck you a strawberry sour punch straw.  Then later on during the bus ride home you sat in the seat behind me and told me you wanted to be just like me when you grow up.  My heart just swelled up with a love I can't explain.  As a teacher/coach we aren't supposed to have favorites, but you always were mine.  No matter which group we put you in during athletics, you always snuck over to mine and worked out with my group and none of us coaches