I feel....

I wasn't sure if i should or write about this since it's not positive and cheery.  But I think that often times people shy away from the things that are painful to talk about.  I want to try to be true to my emotions and write about this pregnancy as i experience it.  I also didn't want people to think that I was ungrateful for my situation.  I am thankful that I am able to carry this baby and I know that once he is here this whole time period will be worth it and these negative feelings will slip away like water under the bridge.  But I'm not at that point yet.  And so i'm stuck with how I feel for now. 



I feel useless. 

I feel isolated.

I feel like life is passing me by.  I sit and watch out my window and people are coming and going about their everyday life and still i sit here. 
 
I feel like every, single day is identical to the one before it and will be identical to the one after it. 

I feel time is slipping away from me. 
 
I feel like every time someone tells me to "enjoy bed rest" I am a failure because i'm not. 
 
I feel like everytime someone someone tells me that my situation could be worse than it is now, I am ungrateful. 

I feel lazy.

I feel like I have nothing to say to people who come visit me because I do nothing all day.
 
I feel like I am letting down my Shadow because I can't watch her play basketball.

I feel like I am letting down my students because I can't be there to teach them. 
 
I feel like I am letting down my husband for a million reasons - large and small. 

I feel that every day these emotions grow a little bit stronger. 

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