worried again....

Worried again.  I had hoped that this would be a less dramatic pregnancy but it's been fraught with much more anxiety than I had with Luke.  Today it was ramped up to another higher level than Luke ever was. 

So I had my doctor appointment today to go over the results of my 20 week anatomy scan from two days ago. I'll start by saying that currently I am ok and currently the baby is  14 oz (the size she should be). However there are 3 areas of concern.

Issue #1 I definitely have placenta previa. This isn't a huge deal and may possibly go away on its own. If it doesn't go away, I will for sure have a C-Section.  It's possible that I may bleed at some point during this pregnancy and require bed rest again.  This one I'm not terribly worried about.  Been there done that sorta.  It wasn't fun, but I'd do it all over again to keep my baby safe.   
 
Issue #2 the baby's heart is an area of concern. The ultrasound isn't picking up all areas of the heart. This may or may not be because of the baby's current position. It's possible that the baby was laying in a position that wasn't showing all physical features of the heart. It's also possible that her heart has a defect. He is referring me to a high risk dr who performs ultrasounds for this issue to determine which possibility it is. 
 
Issue #3 the amniotic fluid around the baby is low. This could be because at 20 weeks, the baby and placenta aren't big yet.  The baby swallows fluid, then pees it out thus maintaining and creating more fluid.  It's also possible that the baby has a defect somewhere along the digestive system which is causing the low fluid.  This is another reason he wants me to go to the high risk specialist. 
 
The combination of issue #2 and #3 are what concerns him.

The high risk specialist will call Monday to schedule an appointment/ultrasound for (hopefully) next week.  In addition, we will have another sonogram in about 3 weeks.  Additional sonograms may or may not be needed after that.     
 
I can't even begin to talk about how worried I am or I start to tear up.  In addition to being worried, I'm angry.  How can women who are addicted to drugs have normal babies with no issues, and I have tried to do everything right, and still might have issues?  I don't drink any caffeine, avoided medications unless absolutely necessary, eat a pretty balanced diet including organic fruits and veggies.  I walk regularly to keep in shape.  And yet, it doesn't seem to matter.  It makes me angry.  Don't I deserve a moment of peace?  Where is the justice in that situation?  I guess life isn't fair. 
 
Richie and I are tremendously worried so any prayers are appreciated.  I try to think positively and remind myself that Luke had lots of issues and came out perfect and beautiful and is as healthy as a horse.  We may go in and find out that this baby is just being a stinker and was sitting in an odd position and we worried for naught.  I have to pray and hope that this is the case.  I have to believe that if God brought me to this, he will see me through this.  And as always I remind myself of the sheer number of you guys out there who continue to wrap our family in blessing and prayers. 
 
I am again reminded of the verse I found in the bible in the early weeks when I was so wracked with anxiety.  For now I'll just try to pray more than I worry.  again..... 
 
 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sweet 17 Months

Image
Luke: weighs approx. 27 lbs not sure how tall has 8 teeth and one coming in wears size 5 diapers wears size 2T clothing wears size 6 shoes Takes 1 nap - approximately an hour and a half during the day Almost always sleeps through the night Someone asked me the other day what Luke was like.  I was a little taken aback because I couldn't find the words to say to explain him.  Mostly because he's such a complex little guy.  So in honor of his (almost) 17 month milestone, I thought I'd try to capture some of his essence.  Luke is such a bright ray of sun.  He is generally pretty happy and he loves to laugh.  And when he does he laughs way deep, down in his belly.   his big ole grin He also loves food.  There are so many times that I feel like there is no possible way he could STILL be eating.  But he keeps saying "more" and signing more.  he's a happy boy for food! He also likes to be scared.  Many hours are spent by running around a
Read more

Letters

Image
some of these lines have been floating around in my head for several weeks now and they just came together tonight.  It's one of those things that I just couldn't get out of my head until I wrote it down.  letters written letters read letters from souls who are dead letters carved upon a grave letters are the things I save letters written on those lines letters penned from hands that are mine letters in a spot near to my bed letters memorized in my head letters inked upon my skin letters from a voice within letters with a sense of peace letters that are meant to ease letters written letters sent letters confirming what I meant letters ushering the peace I've found letters soothe my crying sounds letters containing things unsaid All I have are letters written letters read
Read more

Advice I WOULD have given

I had to write a letter of advice to a fictitious 16 year old girl giving my sage advice about the business world.  Of course I thought of Brittany immediately and even though she isn't here for me to tell her these things, this is what I WOULD have told her if she had asked.  The professor told me that it was "really lovely" and "one of the best letters from the class".  I thought I'd share because why the heck not.  Maybe one day I'll have a baby girl to tell these things to......          Dear Brittany, I am flattered that you think so highly of me that you are seeking my advice.   I have found these ideas immensely helpful to me and I hope you will find as much success with them as I have.   Being a young woman has many advantages, but I have always believed that a woman should be able to support herself no matter what life brings her way.   Because of this, I am a huge proponent of education.   In addition to getting your Bachelor’s
Read more