Be Brave
I like change. But starting Luke part time in daycare, moving into a new house, renting out our current house, and having a baby all within 2 1/2 months. That may be a bit much. However, recently my three year old (omg I can't even believe he is three) has taught me a big lesson.
Luke and I went to the park that is around the corner from our new house. We hadn't ever been there before so he was excited. It has a three story playground. Normally Luke does great on a two story playground so I didn't even consider that he might not like a third story. It was a Sunday and so it was fairly crowded at the park with mommies and kids. Luke proceeds to follow all the other kids up to the 2nd story and then up a little ladder into the hole in the roof of the 3rd story. This is about when the fun ended for him. He looked around and realized how high he was and immediately got scared and anxious. He wasn't crying but he was definitely anxious. He did NOT want to go down the slides to get to the bottom. I spent about 15 minutes on the ground encouraging him that he could do it, that it would be fun, that it was ok to be scared but that he could be brave. Two older boys even started talking to him encouraging him that he would be ok and he just needed to be brave. Countless times they went down the slides to show him how fun it was. He was sitting in the opening of the tube slide not crying, not whining but emphatically saying he couldn't do it. After 15 minutes, in a state of exasperation, I told one of the boys to just push him down the slide anyways. They were too nice. So finally I had to crawl my 7 month pregnant body up the little ladder to get to the top. I sat down with him in my lap and coddled him and encouraged him to do it. He wanted me to go down the tub with him and I told him that I couldn't. That he had to be brave and do it without me. Eventually I bribed him with a fruit snack if he went down the slide. This is what convinced him and he sat down and pushed himself down the slide. He got to the bottom and immediately burst into tears and said he just wanted to go home. I gave him kisses and hugs and told him how proud I was of him for being brave and trying new things. Then we left.
That could have been the end of it. It could have been just a cute memory from Luke's childhood. But something about this situation just stuck in my mind, and I was replaying it over and over. I couldn't figure out why it seemed so pivotal to me. Maybe because I do genuinely want him (and his baby sister) to learn how to be brave because sometimes the world is hard.
A few nights later, I was laying in bed after saying my prayers and waiting to drift off to slip. Normally I put my head on a pillow and immediately fall asleep. This night I was somewhere in a zone where I wasn't awake, but I wasn't asleep when it hit me like a ton of bricks. RIGHT NOW, I WAS LUKE AT THE TOP OF THE PLAYGROUND. I saw this big ole dream of having a new house and keeping my current house as a rental house. It looked awesome and shiny and so easy to obtain (thanks HGTV) and so I climbed right on up there without blinking. And then I got scared. For almost a week I had been anxious about what we were doing. It's not that I feel like it's the wrong decision to make, it's just that things COULD go wrong. So like Luke, I had climbed up high and then I got scared and was crying out that I was scared and didn't want to go down the slide anymore. I was looking around for a way out. There were people there to encourage me, and I could hear people cheering me on, but I was still scared.
And after I made that realization, it became a little bit easier. I cannot in good faith encourage my own son to be brave and try new things, and not do the same thing. I cannot be a hypocrite. And so we are taking a deep breath and going down this slide. We are being brave even if we are scared. Because being brave doesn't mean you don't have fear, it means doing it anyways. I know that God is with me, standing next to me and encouraging me to do it. I know that just like I held Luke and coddled him with kisses and hugs, God is near me too whispering that things will work out if I just have more faith and less fear.
So here we go. I'm following my own advice and being brave. So here is too all of my other warriors out there being brave in the face of fear.
Luke and I went to the park that is around the corner from our new house. We hadn't ever been there before so he was excited. It has a three story playground. Normally Luke does great on a two story playground so I didn't even consider that he might not like a third story. It was a Sunday and so it was fairly crowded at the park with mommies and kids. Luke proceeds to follow all the other kids up to the 2nd story and then up a little ladder into the hole in the roof of the 3rd story. This is about when the fun ended for him. He looked around and realized how high he was and immediately got scared and anxious. He wasn't crying but he was definitely anxious. He did NOT want to go down the slides to get to the bottom. I spent about 15 minutes on the ground encouraging him that he could do it, that it would be fun, that it was ok to be scared but that he could be brave. Two older boys even started talking to him encouraging him that he would be ok and he just needed to be brave. Countless times they went down the slides to show him how fun it was. He was sitting in the opening of the tube slide not crying, not whining but emphatically saying he couldn't do it. After 15 minutes, in a state of exasperation, I told one of the boys to just push him down the slide anyways. They were too nice. So finally I had to crawl my 7 month pregnant body up the little ladder to get to the top. I sat down with him in my lap and coddled him and encouraged him to do it. He wanted me to go down the tub with him and I told him that I couldn't. That he had to be brave and do it without me. Eventually I bribed him with a fruit snack if he went down the slide. This is what convinced him and he sat down and pushed himself down the slide. He got to the bottom and immediately burst into tears and said he just wanted to go home. I gave him kisses and hugs and told him how proud I was of him for being brave and trying new things. Then we left.
That could have been the end of it. It could have been just a cute memory from Luke's childhood. But something about this situation just stuck in my mind, and I was replaying it over and over. I couldn't figure out why it seemed so pivotal to me. Maybe because I do genuinely want him (and his baby sister) to learn how to be brave because sometimes the world is hard.
A few nights later, I was laying in bed after saying my prayers and waiting to drift off to slip. Normally I put my head on a pillow and immediately fall asleep. This night I was somewhere in a zone where I wasn't awake, but I wasn't asleep when it hit me like a ton of bricks. RIGHT NOW, I WAS LUKE AT THE TOP OF THE PLAYGROUND. I saw this big ole dream of having a new house and keeping my current house as a rental house. It looked awesome and shiny and so easy to obtain (thanks HGTV) and so I climbed right on up there without blinking. And then I got scared. For almost a week I had been anxious about what we were doing. It's not that I feel like it's the wrong decision to make, it's just that things COULD go wrong. So like Luke, I had climbed up high and then I got scared and was crying out that I was scared and didn't want to go down the slide anymore. I was looking around for a way out. There were people there to encourage me, and I could hear people cheering me on, but I was still scared.
And after I made that realization, it became a little bit easier. I cannot in good faith encourage my own son to be brave and try new things, and not do the same thing. I cannot be a hypocrite. And so we are taking a deep breath and going down this slide. We are being brave even if we are scared. Because being brave doesn't mean you don't have fear, it means doing it anyways. I know that God is with me, standing next to me and encouraging me to do it. I know that just like I held Luke and coddled him with kisses and hugs, God is near me too whispering that things will work out if I just have more faith and less fear.
So here we go. I'm following my own advice and being brave. So here is too all of my other warriors out there being brave in the face of fear.
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