Brief Moments in Time with Brittany
I've always been really intuitive to things and the older I get the more in tune to things I am. I can read people's emotions really well and I can quickly assess whether or not people are good people or if they have ulterior motives. I had a psychic tell me once that I can do what she does if I wanted to and while I wouldn't go that far I have actually had dreams that predicted several pregnancies before I knew they were trying, and dreams that told me the sex of several pregnancies before the parents even knew, and I even had a 2 dreams and told my best friend what her son would look like before he was born and I was spot on.
With that being said, I don't know if this is my mind trying to comfort me or if it is you Shadow. I want to believe it is you. Even if it is my mind, at least it is giving me some small comfort in my time of need. The following is a list of times that I've distinctly felt you or dreamed about you since you've been gone. It's almost been two months and there are still many hours and many days where I look around and wonder how I got here and how this could possibly be my life. But I have no choice but to go forward with the faith that one day I'll be called to Heaven and you will be greeting me with open arms. Until then, I'll cherish these moments in time where I feel so close to you.
1. My best friend Tara and her 2 year old son Keane came over to see me. I took keane to Luke's room to show him the toys and out of a drawer full of toys and trucks keane picked up a small plastic llama at the bottom of the drawer. It was the one Brittany bought Luke as a baby shower gift. He brought it over to luke to play with.
2. Two days later I woke up with a song stuck in my head. It is called Smile. Literally the lyrics "smile though your heart is aching. smile even though your heart is breaking. When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by" were playing over and over in my head. This went on for a solid 3 hours and then we went to my in laws house. As my mother in law was playing with Luke she started singing this exact same song to him even though I hadn't mentioned to her that the song was in my head. In fact, I had been singing that same song to Luke before we left the house while I was getting him dressed.
3. During the viewing I was sitting in a pew on the very end next the aisle so that I could see people who were coming and going. Richie was sitting next to me. At one point, I felt a hand flat on my back. I turned to look but no one was there. Richie's arm was laying on the pew behind my back but it was not touching me and he was talking to Tara who was sitting on the other side of him so he wasn't even looking at me. I turned back around to face the casket he but the unmistakable feeling of a hand was still there. It remained there for a good 5 minutes and I turned around a few times to double check it wasn't Richie's hand but his hand remained flat on the pew while the feeling of a hand touching my back persisted.
4. I had a dream that I was in the passenger seat of a car. Christi (Brittany's mom) was driving the car and Brittany was in the middle seat of the middle row. It was a 3 row car like a van or an SUV. Christi was telling me a story about when Brittany was younger and I was laughing along. We were all smiling and laughing. We were driving through a rural area - almost through a field. Then Christi stopped to let me out. I got out and so did Brittany and I hugged her so tight and started to cry and said "I just miss you so much!" Then I woke up.
5. Our letters to each other parallel each other in uncanny ways. The thing that sticks with me the most is that I never knew Christi and have never dreamed about her before. The dream I had in #4 was a week before I read Brittany's letter. When I finally got the letter it mentioned that that she couldn't wait to introduce me to her mom. I just know that was Brittany and that she had found a way to introduce us.
6. Around the one month mark I had another dream about Brittany. I was at a house and there was a huge party there. I could see her across the room smiling and laughing but I couldn't get to you. There were like 100 people in one room and it was too crowded for me to walk around. I wanted desperately to come to her and talk with her. I could see her smiling and talking to the people around her and although she would catch my eye and smile at me, she wouldn't come towards me. She kept her distance. Now that I think about it I feel like maybe she's telling me she's up there with people she knows and is happy.
7. The most recent dream I had came a few nights ago. I was standing in the living room of a house. I was looking at two framed photos above a couch. The photos were large like 11x17 and hung side by side. On the left side was Christi and one the right side was my picture. I heard Brittany standing behind me talking to a 3rd person. She was saying "I was lucky. I had two moms. The second one was you."
8. Lastly, a few days ago I was on my phone using siri where it converts your voice to a text message. I was talking in the microphone. It was a message about the upcoming walk I am doing for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I was telling someone the details about it. After I spoke, I stopped and read the text. In the middle where it is supposed to say "Brittany's Llama Gang" it heard it as "Brittany's mom again". I deleted it and spoke the words again and for a second time but still the same message came up. This came two days after the dream about her calling me her second mom. I can't help but feel those are connected.
I'm sure these can all be explained away or justified for those who don't believe in this type of thing. But I have always believed in a spirit world and an after life and Heaven. I believe in things that are not traditional in some ways. But I feel them to be true. In much the same way, I choose to believe that this is Brittany trying to speak to me and comfort me. Maybe it's not but it's bringing me comfort just the same.
With that being said, I don't know if this is my mind trying to comfort me or if it is you Shadow. I want to believe it is you. Even if it is my mind, at least it is giving me some small comfort in my time of need. The following is a list of times that I've distinctly felt you or dreamed about you since you've been gone. It's almost been two months and there are still many hours and many days where I look around and wonder how I got here and how this could possibly be my life. But I have no choice but to go forward with the faith that one day I'll be called to Heaven and you will be greeting me with open arms. Until then, I'll cherish these moments in time where I feel so close to you.
1. My best friend Tara and her 2 year old son Keane came over to see me. I took keane to Luke's room to show him the toys and out of a drawer full of toys and trucks keane picked up a small plastic llama at the bottom of the drawer. It was the one Brittany bought Luke as a baby shower gift. He brought it over to luke to play with.
2. Two days later I woke up with a song stuck in my head. It is called Smile. Literally the lyrics "smile though your heart is aching. smile even though your heart is breaking. When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by" were playing over and over in my head. This went on for a solid 3 hours and then we went to my in laws house. As my mother in law was playing with Luke she started singing this exact same song to him even though I hadn't mentioned to her that the song was in my head. In fact, I had been singing that same song to Luke before we left the house while I was getting him dressed.
3. During the viewing I was sitting in a pew on the very end next the aisle so that I could see people who were coming and going. Richie was sitting next to me. At one point, I felt a hand flat on my back. I turned to look but no one was there. Richie's arm was laying on the pew behind my back but it was not touching me and he was talking to Tara who was sitting on the other side of him so he wasn't even looking at me. I turned back around to face the casket he but the unmistakable feeling of a hand was still there. It remained there for a good 5 minutes and I turned around a few times to double check it wasn't Richie's hand but his hand remained flat on the pew while the feeling of a hand touching my back persisted.
4. I had a dream that I was in the passenger seat of a car. Christi (Brittany's mom) was driving the car and Brittany was in the middle seat of the middle row. It was a 3 row car like a van or an SUV. Christi was telling me a story about when Brittany was younger and I was laughing along. We were all smiling and laughing. We were driving through a rural area - almost through a field. Then Christi stopped to let me out. I got out and so did Brittany and I hugged her so tight and started to cry and said "I just miss you so much!" Then I woke up.
5. Our letters to each other parallel each other in uncanny ways. The thing that sticks with me the most is that I never knew Christi and have never dreamed about her before. The dream I had in #4 was a week before I read Brittany's letter. When I finally got the letter it mentioned that that she couldn't wait to introduce me to her mom. I just know that was Brittany and that she had found a way to introduce us.
6. Around the one month mark I had another dream about Brittany. I was at a house and there was a huge party there. I could see her across the room smiling and laughing but I couldn't get to you. There were like 100 people in one room and it was too crowded for me to walk around. I wanted desperately to come to her and talk with her. I could see her smiling and talking to the people around her and although she would catch my eye and smile at me, she wouldn't come towards me. She kept her distance. Now that I think about it I feel like maybe she's telling me she's up there with people she knows and is happy.
7. The most recent dream I had came a few nights ago. I was standing in the living room of a house. I was looking at two framed photos above a couch. The photos were large like 11x17 and hung side by side. On the left side was Christi and one the right side was my picture. I heard Brittany standing behind me talking to a 3rd person. She was saying "I was lucky. I had two moms. The second one was you."
8. Lastly, a few days ago I was on my phone using siri where it converts your voice to a text message. I was talking in the microphone. It was a message about the upcoming walk I am doing for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I was telling someone the details about it. After I spoke, I stopped and read the text. In the middle where it is supposed to say "Brittany's Llama Gang" it heard it as "Brittany's mom again". I deleted it and spoke the words again and for a second time but still the same message came up. This came two days after the dream about her calling me her second mom. I can't help but feel those are connected.
I'm sure these can all be explained away or justified for those who don't believe in this type of thing. But I have always believed in a spirit world and an after life and Heaven. I believe in things that are not traditional in some ways. But I feel them to be true. In much the same way, I choose to believe that this is Brittany trying to speak to me and comfort me. Maybe it's not but it's bringing me comfort just the same.
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